"And didn't You see me crying?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember where You sat it down"
I know it is not even Thanksgiving yet, but I have been thinking about Christmas lately. Every year the Lord directs my focus in a different direction. This year He reminded me of an obscure David Crowder*Band song. Back before they were a household name they produced an independent album titled "All I Can Say." A friend introduced me to the album many years ago, and it is still my favorite collection of songs from them.
The title track is where the lyrics above come from. It is a beautiful and honest look at the human condition, at the times when the God who loves us seems so far away. We have all felt this way at some point in life, probably at some point this year. There are days and seasons that through our pain, through our tears, or through the darkness around us we cannot see His face. It is through these seasons that we struggle to lean on His promises and struggle to lean into Him. Throughout my life I have had well meaning people tell me it is sin to struggle, to have seasons of doubt. But the Psalms, my experiences, and songs like these remind me otherwise.
Which leads me back to Christmas. I enjoy the Christmas season. The celebrations, the traditions, the wonder in my children's eyes. Often Christmas is presented as clean and shiny, like a newborn baby, but at the heart, Christmas is gritty. Its about the unblemished King stepping down into this broken and muddy world. At its heart we see the omnipotent, omniscient, omni-present Jesus step out of heaven to be born as an immobile, innocent infant. Christmas is about Him entering our pain, entering this darkness, but not to sooth it; to overcome! At the end of His earthly ministry Jesus told his followers "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." In Christmas we remember the Good News that God drew near; nay He is with us!
Even in those seasons of doubt; even in the darkness, the pain, and the silence He draws near that He might restore relationship with us. Even when we cannnot see Him, He is near. While this is always true, in a year that has been tough for many this is the hope and the meaning of Christmas. It is because of this that David Crowder could finish the song:
"I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet"
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